English Preferred Common Language For Europe
The European Union commissioners announced today that
agreement has
been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language
standard for
European
communications, rather than German, which was the
other option. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's Government
conceded
that English spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a
five-year phased plan for what will be known as
EuroEnglish (Euro for
short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the
soft "c".
Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with
joy.
Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k".
Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters
kan have one
less
letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will
make words like
"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be
expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double
letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil
agre that the
horible
mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and
they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps
such as replasing
"th" by z" and "w" by v. During ze fifz year, ze
unesesary "o" kan be
dropd
from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of
kors be aplid
to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten
styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil
find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali
kum tru!
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