Insanity We TrustDiversions |
Dr. Suess' Long Lost Tongue Twister:Try to wrap yer lips around this sucker! Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line.
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English Preferred Common Language For EuropeThe European Union commissioners announced today that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language standard for European communications, rather than German, which was the other option. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by z" and "w" by v. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru!
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Dear Old MumWhy God made Mums -- BRILLIANT Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions!! Why did God make mothers?1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring 3. God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts. What ingredients are mothers made of? 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean. 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think. Why did God give you Your mother and not some other Mum? 1. We're related 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like me. What kind of little girl was your mum? 1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff. 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy. 3. They say she used to be nice. What did mum need to know about dad before she married him? 1. His last name. 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores? Why did your Mum marry your dad? 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot. 2. She got too old to do anything else with him. 3. My grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on. Who's the boss at your house? 1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a clot. 2. Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed. 3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad. What's the difference between mums and dads? 1. Mums work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work. 2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them. 3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's. 4. Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine. What does your mum do in her spare time? 1. Mothers don't do spare time. 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long. What would it take to make your mum perfect? 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery. 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue. If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be? 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that. 2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me. 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head. |
Dumb Joke SectionAt a monastery high in the mountains, the monks have a rigid vow of silence. Only at Christmas, and only by one monk, and only with one sentence, is the vow allowed to be broken. One Christmas, Brother Thomas is allowed to speak and he says, "I like the mashed potatoes we have with the Christmas turkey!" and he sits down. Silence ensues for 365 days. The next Christmas, Brother Michael gets his turn, and he says "I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I hate them!" Once again, silence for 366 days (it's leap year). The following Christmas, Brother Paul rises and says, "I am fed up with this constant bickering!"
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